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A Table for One, But Not Alone

Life is kind of funny.  I remember seeing something that once felt strange—a man, sitting in the middle of a bar, laptop open. The music was loud, the crowd louder. He sat at a table with a few others, drink in hand, earphones in, eyes locked on his screen. It was like he was in a different world, writing something only he understood, even with friends around him.    I stared, not out of judgement, but curiosity.  How could someone focus in all that noise?   Years passed, and now… I am that man.    Not in a bar, but in a restaurant I’ve only visited a few times. It’s tucked inside a mall, yet it doesn’t feel like the usual kind of place where people pull out laptops. The room is big, warm with energy, filled with the scent of freshly made pasta—creamy, buttery, and slightly garlicky, the kind that instantly makes your stomach flutter. Music plays overhead, familiar songs I know by heart, though in softer, jazzier renditions. Cover versions, maybe. The ...

Emotions

Growing up, we were often told things like “stop crying”, “stay strong”, or “don’t overthink it”. As kids, we let our emotions flow like a river—laughing when we were happy, crying when we were hurt, and expressing frustration without hesitation. But as we step into adulthood, it’s as if the river is expected to dry up.     Suddenly, there are rules—unspoken ones that tell us showing emotions is a sign of weakness, immaturity, or a lack of control. A frown at work might make us seem unprofessional. Tears in relationship might make us feel like a burden. Even sharing our struggles with friends can sometimes leave us wondering,  Am I too much?   So, we learn to hold it in. We press our emotions into small, invisible boxes and tuck them away, convincing ourselves that “it’s fine”, even when it’s not. But emotions don’t just disappear when ignored. They sit there, stacking up like unread messages in our minds, waiting for the moment they spill over—often in ways we ...

Adulthood

Just got back from my hometown after a Chinese New Year trip. And if there’s one thing I keep thinking about since then, it’s this— so this is what being an adult feels like.   The weight of responsibility sits heavier each year. Being the only son means taking care of my mom, making sure she’s okay, making sure I’m okay. My back aches at least once a week, a little reminder that my body isn’t as resilient as it used to be. My eyesight is getting worse, even though I’ve tried to cut down my screen time. I’ve been trying to eat cleaner—less carbs, less sugar, more water, and workouts six days a week. ( Tried , at least. The last time I jumped rope, I somehow hurt my back. No idea how that happened, but it did.)   And then, there’s time. It moves differently these days. Slipping through my fingers faster than I can hold onto it. One moment, I was in Japan celebrating New Year, and now? It’s already February.  How?   Spending time in my hometown felt like a break from r...

Crossroads

Life is full of moments where choices aren’t just decisions, they’re turning points. And right now, I’m standing at one of those moments, looking at two roads stretched out in front of me. One path feels safe, familiar, wrapped in the warmth of everything I know. The other feels uncertain, a little unknown, but it hums with the quiet promise of something new and exciting.    There’s a part of me—a loud, restless part—that long for change. It’s a craving I can’t ignore anymore, a need to step into a new rhythm, to explore a life where every step feels like growth. I imagine what it might be like to wake up in a place that challenges me, pushes me, forces me to adapt. A place where even the seasons change, reminding me that nothing in life is meant to stay the same.    But chasing that feeling means leaving so much behind. It means walking away from the people who’ve been my anchor—my mom, my sisters, my close friends. The ones who know me better than anyone, who’ve se...

Life - 2

“ Live your life ”. Someone once said this when I voiced my frustrations. Simple words, yet with a depth I hadn’t grasped at first. I thought I was living in my life, but deep down, I wanted to scream, to shout it out because what you see isn’t what I feel. On the surface, it all seems fine, but beneath, the waves are churning. Pretending is easier than exposing the raw truth, isn’t it? Maybe it’s a lie to others, but it’s my way to cope.   As Adele writes in “ To Be Loved ”, one of my favorite songs of hers, “ Let it be known that I tried ”. And I tried, I have. I’ve tried countless times to live this life on different terms. Every morning when my eyes open, my mind races: “ What will I do with this day, with this life? ”. It’s not about comparison, not a measure against someone else’s existence. It’s about me, my life, and what it means. It’s not just about love, work, or family. It’s bigger, broader–something that stretches into every part of my being.   Someone else said, ...